The Animal I've Become
by Knightrunner
Summary: A short collection of events about Sam that I think fit the song "The Animal I've Become" by Three Days Grace.


**Author's note: Random thing I wrote about Sam. Sometimes he'll be in control of himself other times he won't. I've been listening to the song "The animal I have become" by Three Days Grace for who knows how long now, so sorry for the cussing. I don't normally use that but it's in the lyrics and it fit's Sam so well. Just saying tho, I've only seen the first half of season one and a few season seven episodes. So sorry if my facts are a little messed up. Anyways, lets get on with this.**

Sam laid on the bed, his back turned towards the door. He didn't have to be looking to see Lucifer sitting on the desk by the door, his feet propped on the wooden chair. Sam flinched as his voice hit his ears, being blasted from a megaphone. "Sammy" Lucifer sing-songed. "you can't stay awake forever." Sam groaned knowing it was true, already he wasn't thinking strait, he couldn't keep Lucifer out, he was becoming delusional. It was all to clear that he hadn't slept in days.  
>What no one knew was why. They couldn't see what happens in Sam's head. All they can do is lock him up in a dingy, white room with a hard bed, a desk and window to taunt him. Sam was curled into a ball, trying desperately to block out Lucifer but was failing.<br>Inside his head a verse to a song he once heard played, over and over and over. Never ending until finally he fell asleep.  
><em>So what if you can see the darkest side of me?<br>No one will ever change this animal I have become  
>Help me believe it's not the real me<br>Somebody help me tame this animal_

"Do it! Shoot me!" Dean said to him harshly. Sam stood over his brother, beaten and bruised. In his hand was a silver pistol, aimed directly at his brother. "If you really hate me that much then do it!" Dean yelled at him. Dean was just as beaten and bruised as his little brother, however Dean had an advantage. He knew the pistol wasn't loaded.  
>Inside Sam's head he tried to fight whatever was controlling him but couldn't. From somewhere in his memories they pulled out the first verse of a song.<br>_I can't escape this hell  
>So many times I've tried<br>But I'm still caged inside  
>Somebody get me through this nightmare<br>I can't control myself_  
>His finger pulled back slowly on the trigger, waiting for the shot to fire and the recoil bounce back towards him. When all it did was click he looked at it confused. He pulled the trigger again, trying to figure out what was wrong. Again he pulled it until it clicked in his mind that it was empty.<p>

The FBI, the police, homeland security, heck Sam and Dean had used the cover of being priests. If they keep it up it'll consume them. All Sam ever wanted was a normal life. As a kid he wanted to play soccer instead of learn to shoot. Then he left for collage rather than staying with his dad and brother.  
>It was all for nothing. His brother had said it, and he painfully knew it was true. "Once a hunter, always a hunter." Lies had enveloped his life to the point that he wasn't in control. Lies that he could be normal, lies that his family wasn't full of freaks.<br>But in the end Sam always goes back to the same song. Different parts for different experiences. At this moment, this time. He knows exactly what the words mean.  
><em>I can't escape myself<br>(I can't escape myself)  
>So many times I've lied<br>(So many times I've lied)  
>But there's still rage inside<br>Somebody get me through this nightmare  
>I can't control myself<em>

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
>No one will ever change this animal I have become<br>Help me believe it's not the real me  
>Somebody help me tame this animal I have become<br>Help me believe it's not the real me  
>Somebody help me tame this animal<em>  
>Recalling all the memories Sam's had since he started hunting again his life, his soul's been tossed around. He couldn't control anything. Inside, underneath the love for his brother, and his friendship with Cas, deep down in his heart Sam knew. He knew that having Lucifer in his head had left a scar.<br>It turned him into an animal. Between Lucifer and the yellow eyed demon he'd been changed. He's got supernatural powers, visions of the future. He's an animal and nothing, or no one can change that.

**Author's note: ya, that was pretty dark, for me even. I'll probably do some more, I strangely enjoy writing this stuff. I know, it makes me sound really crazy but oh well. But now the plot bunnies in my head are happy and I can stop listenin' to this song.**


End file.
